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If Only I Had Moved

Moses said, “Please show me your glory.” Exodus 33:18

Our hearts hunger for glory. We want God to show up and prove that He’s who He says He is. We long to see the miracles recorded for us in scripture.

But we don’t want to have to participate. We’d rather sit back and watch God show up. At least, that’s what I discovered about myself.

I sat with my mother in the oncology wing at Exeter hospital while she rested during her chemo drips. I’d decided to use the quiet moments to catch up on some ministry work.

I never saw the woman enter the hospital. My position behind the curtain in our little cubicle blocked my view of the hallway, and my fingers clicking across the keyboard had stolen my attention from everything else. I hardly noticed the presence of another patient in the curtained room beside me.

Until I heard her.

A painful cry pierced the monotonous buzz of hospital activity. “Stop it, please! It hurts! It hurts!” Panicked wailing accompanied her cries.

My eyes lifted from the computer screen to my mother’s face. Her eyes fluttered open, and we looked at one another with increasing concern. The cries lingered on. We waited to hear sounds of relief, but her anguish only increased. “We need to pray for that poor woman,” Mom said. I nodded agreement and silently lifted her before my Father.

I heard her story unfold through broken, anguished sobs. She had come for a blood transfusion. I don’t know what illness plagued her, but I know her journey had been long. And hard. The continual treatments had caused her veins to collapse, and now even what helped her, hurt her. She was tired of the pain.

And she had lost hope. “I can’t do this any more.”

Something stirred in me to go to her, to put my hand on her and call upon the Great Physician to open her veins and ease her suffering. Almost simultaneously another thought overshadowed the urge to rise from my chair. She doesn’t want you to bother her. You’re a stranger. She doesn’t want to know that everyone is listening. Just pray where you are.

 So I never got out of my chair.

I reasoned that she wouldn’t want me to pray. Her demeanor suggested she might kick me out of the room. Besides, I had ministry work to finish.

Shame rises in me as I type those words. Ministry.

Beloved, what is ministry without love?

Jesus came into this world to meet people in their suffering, to call a lost world that has forgotten their Father back to Him. He watches us striving to grab hold of life by any means. And He sees us fail, because life is only found in Him.

Yet people don’t know, because the deceiver has veiled God’s glory (2 Corinthians 4:4). They believe they’re alone in their suffering, that there is no hope because they’ve exhausted all their own resources. They don’t understand that hope lies in their Heavenly Father and has been poured out to them through His Son.

And they won’t know. Unless we tell them. Unless one who houses the Spirit of God within her rises when He calls to reveal Him. And offers love in the midst of hopelessness.

I can’t help thinking of Jesus’ parable of the good Samaritan. A man lay bleeding, beaten and robbed. A priest and a Levite both passed by on the other side of the road, perhaps even on their way to do “ministry.” They missed that love defines ministry.

I wonder if the priest and the Levite in Jesus’ story did what I had done. Perhaps they muttered a silent prayer, convincing themselves they had done their part. But they still left the man bleeding and half dead on the side of the road.

Yes, God hears every prayer, dear one, even the silent ones. But that suffering woman on the other side of the curtain that day never knew anyone cared. Her circumstances hadn’t changed. She felt as alone and hopeless as she did when she came in. And if God had touched her in response to my prayer, she never would have known He did it. Her gratitude would’ve gone to the nurse that finally found the right vein.

And she would’ve left still not knowing the God who wanted to save her.

“This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.” John 15:8

Glory lurks in every dark place, beloved, waiting for exposure. God releases it when His people show themselves as His disciples.

We show ourselves when we love, dear one.

“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:35

God desired to move in that woman’s life. He wanted her to know the comfort only He can give. And He wanted me to show her.

Forgive me, Father. Thank you for your new mercy every day. Sift my heart, Lord, and make me faithful to respond to You alone. I ask again for Your healing touch upon that woman. You know her name. You know her need. Send a faithful one, that she might know and experience Your love through another. Please, Father. Don’t allow my shortcomings to rob her of Your blessings.

 If we are faithless, he remains faithful— for he cannot deny himself. 2 Timothy 2:13

A Wolf Among the Sheep

Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. John 13:1 ESV

My heart stirred when I read that verse the other day over my morning coffee. There’s nothing quite like Jesus’ love. He poured it out on His disciples while He lived among them, and “…He loved them to the end.”

Sadly, they didn’t all love Him in return. The very next verse ushers in the unthinkable.

During supper, when the devil had already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, to betray him, Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him. John 13:2-5

I wonder how Judas felt as Jesus knelt before him to wash his feet. Did his heart race as Jesus tenderly dipped them in the basin? I wonder if Jesus gazed into his face, eyes blazing with the love He felt for him.

His betrayal must have burned within his soul, and yet Judas still left the table to sell his Savior for thirty pieces of silver.

It seems impossible to us, but the truth is, any one of us could easily be him.

Dear one, I doubt that Judas set out to betray Jesus in the beginning. He probably began his journey much like the other disciples—full of hope and wonder, drawn by possibility.

So what went wrong? How could a trusted friend of Jesus stray so terribly far off course?

One thing separates the sheep from the wolf, beloved. Love. Judas may have served with Jesus, but he never offered Him his heart. He wasn’t willing to deny himself to follow Him. He wanted to use his relationship with Jesus to further himself.

How do I know that? The previous chapter invites us to view another scene where the disciples reclined around a table and a different foot washing of sorts took place. Mary, sister of Martha and Lazarus,

. . . took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.  John 12:3

Our friend Judas had an interesting response.

But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples (he who was about to betray him), said, “Why was this ointment not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?” He said this, not because he cared about the poor, but because he was a thief, and having charge of the moneybag he used to help himself to what was put into it. John 12:4-6

Do you see it, dear one? Judas served, but he didn’t love. He couldn’t understand “wasting” expensive perfume to anoint Jesus. He didn’t love Him like Mary did. And he didn’t want to waste spending the ministry funds on the poor Jesus loved. He wanted it for himself.

Hear me, beloved. Jesus gave Judas the same power He gave the other eleven (Luke 9:1-2). He could preach the Word. He could heal the sick. If power marked the true disciple, Judas surely was one.

Yet John 17:12 reveals that Judas was doomed to destruction (NIV).

Power and authority are not the marks of salvation, dear one. God can empower anyone at any time to do His will simply because He’s God. The mark of salvation is found in a different place. It’s found within the heart. Jesus said,

“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love . . . ” John 13:35

1 John 2:5-6 adds this:

But whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.

Jesus lived out love, and “ . . . he loved them to the end” (John 13:1).

While Judas went through all the motions of being a disciple, he wasn’t one. He looked like one. He acted like one. Jesus even empowered him like one. But he didn’t have the heart of one.

No one else could tell. The disciples had no idea who Jesus was talking about when He told them one would betray Him (John 13:22). They saw no external signs because he looked and acted just like the rest of them.

But Jesus saw. He knew the self-centered longings of Judas’ heart. He knew he never truly offered Jesus the right to rule in him. He remained his own lord, choosing to exalt his own kingdom instead of God’s. And Jesus honored Judas’ choice.

He loved him to the end, but He did not save him.