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Surviving Betrayal

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Bethany Johnson

This week, I’m excited to introduce you to Bethany Johnson. She recently shared her story at a Girl’s Night Out event at my home church (Hanover First Church of God), and I asked her if she would be willing to share it with you on my blog. I pray you will be blessed by her two-week series on surviving betrayal, demonstrating how God uses the trials in our lives to change who we are. Join us again next week for the rest of her story!

 

Surviving Betrayal by Bethany Johnson

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Have you ever read a verse and allowed your flesh to only hear a part of it? I first learned Romans 8:28 as a child, and like most little girls, I loved the “happily ever after” of this Scripture. I understood it to mean that it did not matter what I did or what others did, God would make it work for MY good. Come on—who wouldn’t like that message!

Growing up, this misconception shaped my decision-making. I never sought God’s opinion on how to handle anything. If I couldn’t figure it out myself, then I would find another person in my life that could, trusting that God would come in at the end to make it all happy! Operating in this mindset left everything ultimately in MY control, and I felt comfortable there.

A wise man of the faith once told me that being comfortable is never a good place to be. I soon discovered he was right.

Several years ago I received devastating news while driving home from work. I had been deeply betrayed by someone intimately close to me, and the result of this betrayal would be life altering, not just for me, but also for my whole family. My Band-Aid verse did not seem big enough for this wound.

I had no idea how to respond to such pain and quite frankly, was too embarrassed to ask for anyone’s help. I did not understand how God could make anything good come of this mess that I was being forced to call my new life.

That was the only day I was thankful for my two-hour commute. God spoke to my heart in that car, and I realized for the first time that I could not fix this . . . only He could. The Holy Spirit also made me aware that He could not begin to work in this situation until I invited and allowed Him to work in me.

I never understood what it meant to be completely broken before God until that moment. All the anger and resentment toward the person who hurt me was suddenly forgotten, and I just felt lost. For the first time in my life, I had nothing to say. All I could do was listen, and boy did God have a lot to tell me!

My mind filled with all the times in my life that I had sinned against God and He had forgiven me. I thought of the ultimate sacrifice that was made for me, the one I had claimed to receive when I was seven but hadn’t fully understood. I saw Jesus stretched out the cross and remembered how as He hung there, He stared into the faces of his accusers and said:

“Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34

My healing began as I humbled myself before my Savior and opened my heart to His leading. Offering Him a quiet spirit that was ready to listen allowed Him to speak His truth into the depths of my soul. He reminded me that He wanted the forgiveness I had accepted from Christ to be poured out on others.

It was a pretty humbling experience. I honestly believe that there is no one you can’t forgive if you have been broken before God in this way. This is the Holy Spirit at work—not YOU! He equips us to do what we don't have the strength to do on our own.

I did not go home that day. I went straight to meet with the person many would have called their new enemy. Through the power of Christ, I was able to look him in the eyes. Instead of having hatred in my heart, I felt compassion. I saw the same brokenness I had felt just 45 minutes earlier. The two of us were like blank canvases awaiting an artist’s paintbrush.

It was then that I realized what God had in store for me. This was going to be the beginning of a long journey. God did not want to merely demonstrate forgiveness through this awful situation. He wanted to bring restoration and revival. He was going to make both of us new.

Through the work of Christ, this experience became a part of the salvation story of two people. I look at that verse I first clung to in a whole new light. Both of us are now people who "love Him and are called according to His purpose.” My, has he worked such a horrible, sinful thing for the good!

Never in my wildest dreams would I have wished this betrayal on myself—or anyone for that matter! But today I can honestly thank God for putting me through it. I no longer have to wear a mask of happiness because I have allowed God to transform my heart from the inside out. I guess He did work it for my good after all.

 

Begin your own journey to healing! Ladies local to Hanover, PA . . . Beginning October 17, Bethany will be offering an eight-week Bible study in her home entitled "No Other Gods" by Kelly Minter. Fellowship over a meal and then prepare to dig into Truth. Contact Bethany at bjjohnson1014@gmail.com for more details.

My Prince on a White Horse

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I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True . . . Revelation 19:11

I was at work one day in the summer of 1994 when one of my co-workers approached me with a rose and a note. The message on the folded page read, “Your prince is waiting for you outside with his white horse.”

Smiles adorned the faces of the staff as they watched me exit the store in pursuit of the messenger. When I stepped into the sunlight, my eyes rested on my fiancé leaning against a white Mustang convertible with another rose in his hand. He had driven 8 hours from Pennsylvania to surprise me. I truly thought I was living the fairy tale.

On Monday, my husband and I will celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary. Like most couples, those 18 years have held both ups and downs. Thankfully, we’re still here.

One thing remains certain. What began amid a swirl of romance and butterflies has grown into a deep love and companionship that far surpasses the intoxicating newness of budding love. I can’t express the comfort it brings. I can hardly remember life before “us.”

My family

Now “us” has grown to include two amazing sons and our sweet Aussie, Annie. (You may have met her in one of my recent posts!) Happiness dwells within our home. Far more frequently than anger and tears, joy and laughter filter through its walls. I’m grateful.

You see, I know what could have been, had God not intervened. I know who I used to be before I allowed Jesus to begin His transforming work within my heart.

Early in my marriage, I looked to my husband to fill my empty places. I carried many wounds from past rejection, and I thought Steve would rescue me from my hurt and make everything better. You know—the stuff of fairy tales.

You’ve probably discovered as I have that fairy tales are just that. Life rarely measures up to the dream.

But most of what I wrestled with didn’t come from anything my husband did to me. It came from within. I couldn’t get free of the fear that he would stop loving me. My insecurity and self-doubt drove me to desperately need his assurance—and his attention. Without realizing it, I pushed him to perpetually demonstrate his feelings so that I could be at peace. I never was. No matter how much he poured in, I never felt full.

I’m certain my insecurity wearied the man who adored me, whose love never seemed to be enough.

Jeremiah 2:13 explains the reason for my unhappiness.

“My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.”

My husband is a broken cistern. So am I. An imperfect man in an imperfect world, he can never hold enough to fill me up. But that’s okay; he wasn’t made to.

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4:13-14

Thankfully, after the birth of my first son, I learned to drink in the Living Water. I encountered a Savior I trusted was worth loving and surrendered my heart and life to His care.

I discovered something marvelous. He never empties.

He always has enough, and He never withholds it. He never tires of my insecurities or becomes impatient with my imperfections. He just loves, perfectly. And that kind of love can do what no other kind can. It fills.

And as it fills, it heals.

That did something wonderful in my marriage. I stopped pressuring my husband to meet my needs. I could just enjoy who he is instead of demanding what he couldn’t give me. And once I stopped taking, I was able to give.

That’s the beauty of loving Jesus. Loving Him doesn’t take away from our ability to love anyone else. It enables us to love better.

I’m so grateful Jesus has taught me how to love. I’m still learning. So is my husband. But Jesus is the cord that binds us together. He is the true Savior. Riding to our rescue on His white horse, He saves us from ourselves.

Life on this earth may not be a fairy tale, but in Jesus you can discover a capacity for joy you’ve never known. And one day, when He returns to claim His throne, you’ll get your happily ever after.