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A Gift of Grace

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Today’s Word on Wednesday comes from my dear friend and partner in ministry, Juliet Sharrow. You may have read some of her testimony in recent months about God’s pursuing love. Now she shares how His gift of grace empowered her to finally respond to Him. After reading her words, you may be blessed to know she just had the privilege of watching this beloved son walk the stage to receive his high school diploma. Whatever you may be going through, know this, dear one. There is ALWAYS hope in Jesus.

A Gift of Grace by Juliet Sharrow

From the fullness of His grace we have all received one blessing after another. John 1:16

I had spent my life running from God. Desperate for love and caught in an abusive relationship, I made one destructive choice after another. Then God did something I didn’t expect. He chose to bless me with a child.

I was so excited when I found out I was pregnant.  I would love my child in all the ways I hadn’t been loved.  I would somehow make it all right.

Then I got the worst news an expectant mother could hear.  The doctor called to tell me that something was wrong with my unborn child.  The routine blood tests they had done showed that my child would have Down’s Syndrome and possibly Spina Bifida as well.  I felt like my world came crashing down.  Then the doctor said something I could scarcely believe.  They were recommending that I have an abortion.

I sunk down on my knees, horrified at what I was hearing!  How could this be? My baby was alive; I could hear the heartbeat and I could feel the kicking.  How could I destroy this precious gift I’d been given?  I did not understand what I was getting into, but I knew one thing: I couldn’t end this child’s life.  He was my hope! I told the doctor in no uncertain terms that I would never choose that for me or my child.

The next several weeks were a blur as medical personnel escorted me into private rooms to watch videos about children with these conditions, “so I would know what I was getting myself into.”  I met with doctors who tried to explain that a woman in my situation— unmarried and with no support network—could certainly not handle a child with issues of this magnitude.  They assured me I did not understand how impossible things would be. But I never wavered.  Somehow I knew that God had blessed me with this child, and I would have this baby no matter what they said.

So a month after I heard the devastating news, I underwent a sonogram to see if the doctor could see the abnormalities that are usually present with these conditions.  What happened next can only be described as a miracle.  There were NO abnormalities.  The baby was perfect in every way!

The doctor insisted there must be some mistake.  And so she checked and rechecked, and decided that the baby was too small for me to be as far along as they originally thought.  Her new measurements said I was one month behind where I should have been and so they changed my due date to one month later.  They retook the blood tests and assured me that everything had come back normal this time!  I cried as I left the doctor’s office that day.

I know now the enemy had tried to convince me to give up on my child, to destroy his precious life.  But somehow God had given me the strength to hold on. Just like He promises in 1 Corinthians 10:13,

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man.  And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”

I believe that Satan tempted me with an easy way out.  My life was not good at the time, and bringing a child into that world was what some would call crazy!  But, I know that God provided a way out for me.  He helped me to stand up under it.  He filled me with love for my unborn child. He gave me strength to endure, and His peace soothed my soul.

A few months later my son was born. The doctors said he was 4 weeks premature.  It was 4 days after the original due date they had given me.  And he was perfect, not premature in any way, a healthy 6lb 4oz baby boy!  He was my gift from God.

Psalm 127:3 says, “See children are a gift from the Lord.  The children born to us are our special reward.” (NLV)

At that time in my life I did not deserve any special reward.  I had run from God and turned my back on Him more times than I could count!  But God in His infinite wisdom knew that what I needed was grace.  He gave me this gift instead of what I deserved.

I needed that child because I was in a pit. A pit of self-loathing and self-despair, a pit of oppression.  I was so low I could not find a way out. In fact, I did not WANT out.  I felt like I deserved everything that was happening to me.  God knew what I needed to give me the strength to get out of that pit.  I needed someone else to live for, someone else to love.  I did not love myself enough, but He knew I would love my child enough to claw my way out of that pit.  That through the love of my child, I would finally turn to Him, finally seek Him instead of running from Him. I learned that when I resist temptation and do what I know is right, God will provide the strength I need to endure.  And I would learn the greatest lesson of my life: that God’s grace isn’t based on what I’ve done. It’s about God giving me what He knows I need, even when I don’t deserve it.

Grace for the Moment

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“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Romans 8:37

Do you ever feel like less than a conqueror? I do. In fact, I visit that place far more frequently than I would like to; I was there a few days ago.

I can’t even explain to you how it happened. No earth-shattering event crashed in on me. Rather, it was lots of little things. One tiny frustration after another until the pile got so heavy I felt crushed under it. And to be honest, I wanted out. I didn’t want to do “ministry” anymore.

I wish I could say it was the first time I’ve felt that way, but it isn’t. Don’t get me wrong. I love sharing God’s truth with anyone who will listen, and seeing Christ work His transforming power in a life lifts my heart in ways I can’t express. But intermingled with the many blessings of touching lives with Glory come many challenges and frustrations. And through it all, the constant hiss of the serpent sows seeds of doubt . . . and tells me to run. “Who do you think you are? Your life would be so much easier if you quit.”

I’m not alone. Scripture tells us that Elijah, one of the great Old Testament prophets through whom God revealed Himself, had moments when standing up for the LORD he served didn’t seem worth it. In fact, right after God displayed His power mightily through him by consuming a water soaked altar with blazing fire and defeating 450 prophets of Baal, we read,

Elijah was afraid and ran for his life . . .  He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life . . .” 1 Kings 19:3-4

You see, we say that if we could just see God move in the miraculous ways described in the Bible it would give us the boost we need to keep going. We think that if we saw what the OT prophets saw—or even what the Disciples saw—we would have the strength to persevere with boldness. Yet Elijah witnessed marvelous displays of God’s power . . . so did the Disciples. And all of them ran when it got hard (Mark 14:50).

It isn’t witnessing external works that will give us the strength to stand, beloved. It’s grace, poured out for the moment, that causes buckled knees to rise. Strength and sustenance loosed by God’s hand restores, renews and enables. We don’t need to see more works; we need grace. We must learn to draw on the Spirit Jesus sent us to strengthen us in our weakness.

Paul wrote in Philippians 4:12-13,

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

The thought seems absurd to the natural mind. To experience equal contentment from both nourishment and hunger? Whether having plenty or suffering abundant need?

Yet Scripture offers this secret to contentment in any and every situation. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Consider Max Lucado’s description of the apostle who penned those words. (Grace for the Moment, p. 328)

Peer into the prison and see [Paul] for yourself: bent and frail, shackled to the arm of a Roman guard. Behold the apostle of God. . . .

Dead broke. No family. No property. Nearsighted and worn out. . . .

At times his heart was so heavy, Paul’s pen drug itself across the page.

We might not find ourselves shackled in a prison cell like Paul. But when oppression comes, the black hole it creates feels as real and constricting as a locked cell. And we can’t free ourselves. But, praise Jesus, He can.

2 Corinthians 4:7-9 teaches,

But we have this treasure [the Holy Spirit] in jars of clay [our human bodies] to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

I’ve journeyed far enough with Jesus to know that the victory is worth the battle. As the overwhelming desire to run crashed in on me last week, I decided I would. But I didn’t run away from the ministry God has called me to. No, I ran straight to Jesus.

I wept with Him. I told Him how I felt, although I know He already knew. And I asked for His help. For strength to go on. For peace to revive my soul.

As I knelt in prayer, my eyes rested on a devotional book someone gave me that sits on a table in my bedroom. I felt compelled to open it for the very first time. It was written for each day of the year, and I opened the book to that day’s date. I saw these words at the top of the page:

“You were chosen to tell about the excellent qualities of God.” 1 Peter 2:9

I felt His presence pour over me and wash me in His love. I read further, and the oppression began to lift, pushed out by the all-encompassing presence of the God who fills.

He’d always been there. I just forgot to quiet myself so I could see Him. I let the onslaught of frustrations get me down instead of letting Him lift them from me. I should’ve known better. A couple of months ago, He gave me this promise.

“The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14

Now I rest, safely under the shelter of my strong tower. I think I’ll stay right here for a while.