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A Thirsty Soul

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I have had the wonderful privilege of watching my dear friend, Juliet Sharrow, blossom under the loving hand of the God who pursues her. Today she shares a bit of her story. May you also discover the beauty of God’s intervening love.

My Thirsty Soul by Juliet Sharrow

“My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water. Jeremiah 2:13

01419676c13f3393ae901dec23ae13cff24f8cb52d-1I have been the woman at the well.

I’d wager you have too. We’ve all had times, whether we want to admit it or not, when we’ve felt like her . . . unworthy, like an outcast, wearing our shame and guilt like a scarlet letter. In those times we try to avoid people, carefully evading their judgment and “knowing glances”. Yet all the while we’re dying inside, our parched souls crying out for satisfaction but finding none.

My quest to satisfy my thirsty soul began at a young age. My Grandparents wanted my mother to have an abortion. I was an unplanned child to an 18-year-old unwed mother. And my young father was not ready for the responsibilities of a wife and child. From these beginnings came a little girl who felt unloved and rejected from as far back as she can remember.

I grew up without my father; I never even knew his name. I was raised by a wounded mother who was unable to love and a stepfather who was cold and abusive. The words “I love you” were never spoken in our home and hugs were rare. My stepfather only spoke to me when I did something wrong. I was not praised or told I did anything right, and I was never told I was beautiful, like every girl dreams of hearing from her daddy.

I was an only child, so everything that happened was somehow my fault. With no one else to blame, my stepfather took all his frustrations out on me. And my mother was too weak, too broken herself to protect me. I learned at an early age that love has to be earned and that love can be taken back at a moment’s notice. This left me hurting and searching. Searching for love anywhere I could get it.

And so began my unquenchable thirst.

My childhood environment taught me this: I was not good enough, was not accepted, and was not loved. I knew there must be something wrong with me that no one wanted me and no one loved me. I believed I was ugly and unlovable, that no one could EVER love me.

From a young age I went to church with anyone who would take me, mostly to get out of the house and away from my parents. And when I was old enough to understand about hell, I decided I didn’t want to go there, so I prayed the sinner’s prayer.

But I didn’t understand what accepting Jesus as my Savior really meant. Once again, I saw rules that had to be followed, and punishment for those that sinned. I thought God was waiting to punish me every time I did something wrong. I never felt love from God and I certainly never understood how to love Him back. He was too distant, and I was too afraid of failing Him along with everyone else. It never occurred to me that this God might be able to satisfy my thirst.

I thought if He really loved me He would have given me different parents, or He would have sent my real dad in to rescue me. Have you ever wished you could live someone else’s life? But my real father never came, and things at home only got worse. I just knew there was no way this perfect God could really love me. I was unlovable. And so my insatiable thirst only grew.

Nothing I did filled the void inside, nothing made me feel loved and accepted. I hated myself so much, and my relationship with my stepfather had gotten so bad, that as a teenager, every day I wished I was dead. I would sit on my bed and tell my mom how much I wanted to die. It consumed my thoughts. I saw myself as a failure and thought my life was not worth living, but I never got up the nerve to commit suicide.

Not until I was 21. By this time, my life had spiraled into such a deep pit, I saw no way out.

At first my spiral downward had been exciting, even intoxicating. I tried to satisfy my thirsty soul with all manner of evils, but the more I gave myself away, the thirstier I got, and I died a little more inside each day. I couldn’t live with the shame and guilt I was carrying around, couldn’t live with the horrible choices I had made. I could not live with myself.

I knew in my heart that no one would miss me. I believed I was doing everyone a favor, and this would finally make the pain go away. So I took a bunch of pills and went to sleep knowing it was finally over.

But God had other plans for me. He sent paramedics to break down my door and save me from myself. As I lay there in and out of consciousness, I heard singing! Just one voice, a man, so tender and sweet, singing, “I will always love you, I will always love you, I will always love you, yes I will!”

I experienced the blessing of Zephaniah 3:17 that day,

“The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.”

God wasn’t so distant after all. In fact, I discovered He goes out of His way to meet us where we are. Just like Jesus went to Samaria to rescue a woman at a well, He pursues each one of us. And He came to me in my darkest hour. As I lay dying, He sang His love over me and carried me back to the land of the living.

I should have died that day. The doctors did not understand how I made it, but I did. A loving God had intersected my path to show me that I was worth loving. Unfortunately, I wasn’t yet ready to believe Him.

Visit us next week to read the rest of Juliet’s story!

Exposed…And Set Free!

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Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? Psalm 139:7

We spend a lot of time hiding.

Who we truly are.

What we really think.

How we really feel.

Our hiding began the moment seeds of sin embedded in man’s heart. Those seeds bore immediate, unwelcome fruit.

Shame. Guilt. Regret. Fear. Blame.

And that fruit still does what the enemy intended. It makes us hide.

Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.

 And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. Genesis 3:7-8

Adam and Eve found themselves naked. Exposed. So they did what they could to cover themselves and hide their true condition. But their hiding only distanced them from God.

Distance remains the enemy’s goal, dear one. He wants to separate us from our Creator so that he can render us powerless.

But while we might feel better with a little distance, the God who created us does not.

But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” Verse 9

God’s intense love for man pours out from the pages of Scripture. He pursues us. Always. Disobedience doesn’t withdraw His affection. Rejection doesn’t stop His pursuit. We may run from Him, but we can never really hide.

Yet we still try. And He still calls us out from hiding.

Like Jesus did to a woman hiding in the crowd in Galilee.

He was on His way to Jairus’ house to heal his dying daughter. The crowds pressed in on Him, enjoying the spectacle this extraordinary Healer brought to their ordinary lives.

But one in the crowd had no interest in the spectacle. She needed the Healer.

For 12 long years she had suffered with a discharge of blood. She had spent all she had on physicians, yet no one had helped her. Her misery continued.

And shame engulfed her. This condition wasn’t just an inconvenience. According to Jewish law, her constant bleeding made her unclean. Defiled. Unworthy.

Twelve years she had born this burden. Alone. Hiding. Hating her existence.

And then word reached her of a Healer from Nazareth. One who made the blind see. Who healed withered hands. Who raised the dead. And something took hold of her that had eluded her for a long time.

Hope.

I can picture her slowly making her way through the crowd toward Jesus, heart pounding wildly with every step. And then she was there. Close enough to touch Him, staring at the back of her Savior.

She came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment, and immediately her discharge of blood ceased. Luke 8:44

Imagine her wonder as knowledge set in. The bleeding had stopped. She knew it. It was finally over. Or at least she thought it was. A voice interrupted her private celebration.

And Jesus said, “Who was it that touched me?” Verse 45

Familiar emotions surfaced immediately. Fear. Guilt. Shame.

She said nothing. The crowd clamored denial, and Peter responded with earthly logic.

“Master, the crowds surround you and are pressing in on you!” But Jesus said, “Someone touched me, for I perceive that power has gone out from me.” Verses 45-46

The wild pounding in her chest ceased momentarily as realization dawned. He knew.

And when the woman saw that she was not hidden, she came trembling, and falling down before him declared in the presence of all the people why she had touched him, and how she had been immediately healed. Verse 47, emphasis mine

She confessed everything. The woman hiding in the shadows unveiled herself before everyone present, baring her shame.

And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.” Verse 48

I have to ask, dear one. Why did Jesus do it? Why call her out in front of all of those people?

He already knew the answer to His questions. He knew exactly what had happened and who had touched Him. He had the ability to discern thoughts. So why expose her? Why not let her have her private, personal moment with Him that no one else was privy to?

Why, indeed.

Beloved, Jesus had more to offer that precious woman than physical healing. He could’ve let her slink back into the darkness, but then she would’ve missed the greater healing she so desperately needed.

She still would’ve carried her shame.

The only way to penetrate darkness is to let light in. And this dear daughter had spent 12 long years hiding. Feeling less than. Unworthy. Unclean. Separated.

When she willingly chose to expose herself to Jesus in front of the crowd she feared, He set her free. From all of it. Public opinion no longer mattered. Fear no longer controlled her.

Jesus made her well.

What are you still hiding, dear one? What grips your heart in oppressive darkness?

Expose it, beloved. Death lurks in darkness. Life is found in the light.

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. Psalm 103:2-5

A Thirsty Soul

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We have spent the last two weeks exploring Jesus’ encounter with the woman at the well (John 4) and celebrating our very personal God. We cannot step into His blessings and promises without knowing Him. Yet our God repeatedly intervenes along life’s paths to make Himself known, watching to see if we will respond in faith to the encounter. Today, Juliet Sharrow shares her story of pain and God’s intervening love. May her story move you to trust and follow the One who gives life.

A Thirsty Soul by Juliet Sharrow

Juliet Sharrow

“My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.”  Jeremiah 2:13

I have been the woman at the well.  I’d wager you have too. We’ve all had times, whether we want to admit it or not, when we’ve felt like her . . . unworthy, like an outcast, wearing our shame and guilt like a scarlet letter. In those times we try to avoid people, carefully evading their judgment and “knowing glances”.  Yet all the while we’re dying inside, our parched souls crying out for satisfaction but finding none.

My quest to satisfy my thirsty soul began at a young age. My Grandparents wanted my mother to have an abortion.  I was an unplanned child to an 18-year-old unwed mother.  And my young father was not ready for the responsibilities of a wife and child.  From these beginnings came a little girl who felt unloved and rejected from as far back as she can remember.

I grew up without my father; I never even knew his name. I was raised by a wounded mother who was unable to love and a stepfather who was cold and abusive. The words “I love you” were never spoken in our home and hugs were rare.  My stepfather only spoke to me when I did something wrong.  I was not praised or told I did anything right, and I was never told I was beautiful, like every girl dreams of hearing from her daddy.

I was an only child, so everything that happened was somehow my fault. With no one else to blame, my stepfather took all his frustrations out on me. And my mother was too weak, too broken herself, to protect me. I learned at an early age that love has to be earned and that love can be taken back at a moment’s notice. This left me hurting and searching. Searching for love anywhere I could get it. And so began my unquenchable thirst.

My childhood environment taught me this: I was not good enough, was not accepted, and was not loved.  I knew there must be something wrong with me that no one wanted me and no one loved me. I believed I was ugly and unlovable, that no one could EVER love me.

From a young age I went to church with anyone who would take me, mostly to get out of the house and away from my parents.  And when I was old enough to understand about hell, I decided I didn’t want to go there, so I prayed the sinner’s prayer.

But I didn’t understand what accepting Jesus as my Savior really meant.  Once again, I saw rules that had to be followed, and punishment for those that sinned.  I thought God was waiting to punish me every time I did something wrong.  I never felt love from God and I certainly never understood how to love Him back.  He was too distant, and I was too afraid of failing Him along with everyone else.  It never occurred to me that this God might be able to satisfy my thirst.

I thought if He really loved me He would have given me different parents, or He would have sent my real dad in to rescue me.  Have you ever wished you could live someone else’s life? But my real father never came, and things at home only got worse.  I just knew there was no way this perfect God could really love me. I was unlovable. And so my insatiable thirst only grew.

Nothing I did filled the void inside, nothing made me feel loved and accepted.  I hated myself so much, and my relationship with my stepfather had gotten so bad, that as a teenager, every day I wished I was dead.  I would sit on my bed and tell my mom how much I wanted to die.  It consumed my thoughts.  I saw myself as a failure and thought my life was not worth living, but I never got up the nerve to commit suicide.

Not until I was 21.  By this time, my life had spiraled into such a deep pit, I saw no way out.

At first my spiral downward had been exciting, even intoxicating.  I tried to satisfy my thirsty soul with all manner of evils, but the more I gave myself away, the thirstier I got, and I died a little more inside each day. I couldn’t live with the shame and guilt I was carrying around, couldn’t live with the horrible choices I had made.  I could not live with myself.

I knew in my heart that no one would miss me. I believed I was doing everyone a favor, and this would finally make the pain go away. So I took a bunch of pills and went to sleep knowing it was finally over.

But God had other plans for me. He sent paramedics to break down my door and save me from myself. As I lay there in and out of consciousness, I heard singing! Just one voice, a man, so tender and sweet, singing, “I will always love you, I will always love you, I will always love you, yes I will!”

I experienced the blessing of Zephaniah 3:17 that day,

“The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.”

God wasn’t so distant after all. In fact, I discovered He goes out of His way to meet us where we are. Just like Jesus went to Samaria to rescue a woman at a well, He pursues each one of us. And He came to me in my darkest hour. As I lay dying, He sang His love over me and carried me back to the land of the living.

I should have died that day. The doctors did not understand how I made it, but I did. A loving God had intersected my path to show me that I was worth loving. Unfortunately, I wasn’t yet ready to believe Him.

Visit us next week to read the rest of Juliet’s story!